both wearing Bedouin SS'17 | photographer Edward Spict

Finding You

These photos were taken in Paris by a photographer Edward Spict in under 3 minutes, literally. He was a short guy who looked really friendly and...tired, I could see he was knackered after being around Paris Fashion Week for days. He said ' I'm not feeling too well' but he was still very keen to get street style shots of hundreds of people passing by that week, in and out of shows. Edward works for Getty Images, which reminds me of times when I was browsing through Getty Images trying to find images for my University project that - I could actually reference, and they weren't from Google.

University, school, college - education in general, I never realised how very straight forward it all is and pretty much explanatory. There are rules and guidelines, you follow them and you get a good grade if you try your best, simple right? Well in the 'real life' it kind of works differently, we think we're taking the right route or following the rules (what rules?) or going the direction we should be.

It's that moment you find yourself doubting, questioning people around you, questioning your job and questioning yourself...am I working hard enough? Am I good enough? It's that empty feeling when you find yourself alone and it scares you.

I know that feeling, it's not very nice, it's horrible in fact. 

I remember leaving University and feeling absolutely lost, I was working long hours in retail, working on my blog in the evenings - yet feeling like no one cares anyway. At the same time applying for hundreds of jobs and getting two replies saying 'thank you so much for your application however on this occasion it was not successful'. Thinking back to it, how unappreciative of me, I worked with the most wonderful souls and had people who loved me around me - yet I saw no hope.
I was so negative and unmotivated, I saw nothing good and everything was just there to make me even more stressed. 

I'm no expert in life, but one thing I know is that only YOU can make a change. You cannot expect a change in someone or expect something better when you're not changing your ways. If you want something to happen differently, most likely that change needs to be you. I was missing the most important point in life, which was making myself happy as selfish as it sounds - that really is the most important thing. If you're happy that straight away makes the people around to you a little happier, it really does. Sometimes taking the option that scares you, the option that isn't going by this imaginary rule book of life of what age you're meant to do what - is the right option for you.

After having a check-up and repeatedly asking my doctor what possible reason could I randomly faint, twice for? He calmly asked 'are you sure you're not working too much?' I laughed and of course said 'no' because in my head I'm not working enough!? Because I'm not good enough, I didn't even have a 'proper job. How foolish of me.

I then left my retail job which really did teach me the most amazing lessons and put me next to the most amazing people I've ever met, however it was time to change, I needed My change.

I left exactly one year ago now, I said 'yes please' to a one day per week internship and worked my ass off for free to create content on my blog the rest of the days, because it made me happy. I am now working at the same place part-time and part-time blogging.

I guess what I'm saying is that don't forget to dream, test your boundaries, appreciate those that are there for you, go see your best friend, do what scares you, speak to the new anxious guy at work and live a little. It's not up to nobody but you of what age or what you want to do. If you want to travel for six months - you go travel for six months, if you want to change your job - you change your job. There are no guidelines and thank God for that - you create what you want your life to look like, isn't that amazing?

'It almost needs to get that bad - for you to then appreciate the good.'

So smile, and let's do this.

Love, Skai x

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